Friday, November 30, 2007
yesterday, we were at the gig at youth park, in which daniel's band, Autumn Alantic, was playing. though there were several instances where i thought the situation was kinda funny, with yaozhong the uncle in such heavy music event, siian the stressed working class seeking to relive some stress, and sheryl the working class who became even more stress, and well mama looked fine. i think that the music sounded nice and that it probably would have sounded clearer if they didn't turn the volume of the bass to the highest, i felt that the guitars sounded quite nice, just that it was a tad overwhelmed by the bass and drums. also, because the music was that loud, when i came out i felt like i had gone through several degrees on the ritcher scale, trembled by the vibrations.... kinda of very dizzy, yaozhong had the i-hear-a-ringing-sound-in-my-ear reaction, sheryl looked super relief to be out, and i can't really fathom what was on siian and mama's mind. so yupps, after that we went to harbour front to find huishan who is currently working there. and her uniform is HAHAHA kind of funny, people who knows her should go and check it out. she looks like a full time auntie. but i admire her and the others who are working this vacation, because i could have never been able to survive all those. and i doubt anyone will want to hire me. so that's the routine for yesterday, and oh, later siian is giong for his new zealand trip in like less than 12 hours. i soooo envy him man, horse-riding!!! haiz, my parents will never bring me and my sis to such adventure places, so i have to depend on myself in the future.
now for the me in a emotional disposition.
i really think i am falling into an abyss.
driven by the force of my unroutined life, the helplessness of waiting for results, and my escapism problem.
i bought i-weekly on last wednesday, and so i did this test on how much do i tend to escape away from problems, my result was, 90%. it is quite true, i have to admit.
my body is degenerating also. slowly, the warning into the once red-alarm signal that happened not long ago. once again, i am escaping.
i don't know how much people know me, if you do, do tell me of your impression towards me. but the very fact remains that, i myself don't know myself much, i am escaping from my escapism problem.
many a times, i wish my life was a video, i can pause, rewind, forward, or even delete it all together. it will be much simpler, if not, do turn me into a robot with no emotions. though i will never feel happiness, it means i will not feel pain, and i won't have the desire to feel happiness. i am not emo-ing again, it is a plain fact. to be able to manevour one's own life, to have ultimate control, and let one live their life to the fullest, is a privilege, not a gift to everyone.
i don't know if i am the emo-shuxuan who puts on a cheerful face, or the happy-shuxuan with sentiment.
What The Shoe Says~ roared at