Lion-Heart

yesterday, we were at the gig at youth park, in which daniel's band, Autumn Alantic, was playing. though there were several instances where i thought the situation was kinda funny, with yaozhong the uncle in such heavy music event, siian the stressed working class seeking to relive some stress, and sheryl the working class who became even more stress, and well mama looked fine. i think that the music sounded nice and that it probably would have sounded clearer if they didn't turn the volume of the bass to the highest, i felt that the guitars sounded quite nice, just that it was a tad overwhelmed by the bass and drums. also, because the music was that loud, when i came out i felt like i had gone through several degrees on the ritcher scale, trembled by the vibrations.... kinda of very dizzy, yaozhong had the i-hear-a-ringing-sound-in-my-ear reaction, sheryl looked super relief to be out, and i can't really fathom what was on siian and mama's mind. so yupps, after that we went to harbour front to find huishan who is currently working there. and her uniform is HAHAHA kind of funny, people who knows her should go and check it out. she looks like a full time auntie. but i admire her and the others who are working this vacation, because i could have never been able to survive all those. and i doubt anyone will want to hire me. so that's the routine for yesterday, and oh, later siian is giong for his new zealand trip in like less than 12 hours. i soooo envy him man, horse-riding!!! haiz, my parents will never bring me and my sis to such adventure places, so i have to depend on myself in the future.

now for the me in a emotional disposition.

i really think i am falling into an abyss.
driven by the force of my unroutined life, the helplessness of waiting for results, and my escapism problem.

i bought i-weekly on last wednesday, and so i did this test on how much do i tend to escape away from problems, my result was, 90%. it is quite true, i have to admit.

my body is degenerating also. slowly, the warning into the once red-alarm signal that happened not long ago. once again, i am escaping.

i don't know how much people know me, if you do, do tell me of your impression towards me. but the very fact remains that, i myself don't know myself much, i am escaping from my escapism problem.

many a times, i wish my life was a video, i can pause, rewind, forward, or even delete it all together. it will be much simpler, if not, do turn me into a robot with no emotions. though i will never feel happiness, it means i will not feel pain, and i won't have the desire to feel happiness. i am not emo-ing again, it is a plain fact. to be able to manevour one's own life, to have ultimate control, and let one live their life to the fullest, is a privilege, not a gift to everyone.

i don't know if i am the emo-shuxuan who puts on a cheerful face, or the happy-shuxuan with sentiment.

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 10:52 PM.

Birkenstocks

You are a pair of Birkenstocks. You are a laidback
hippie, and are concerned with the environment. You are free-spirited,
and the comfort of these shoes suits your personality.

Go to Love Quiz Test to do more Quizzes!

that's what they say, but i really do love birkenstocks... :D

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 3:15 AM.

it has really been long since i am a camp participant, and not part of the organising team.
gosh, i love red camp vikings.

okay, i must say that red camp didn't seem interesting at all to me. like totally, i joined only because to accompany daphne in the camp and then felice joined in too. then, when we had a talk from ngee ann, enna and huishan joined. so it was the trip of the five of us down to ngee ann. it was supposed to be six, with yaozhong, but he pangseh us to go china to see pretty girls...

i was all out to destroy my image on the first day of the camp man. if any of the juniors saw me, they will be like O.O so on that day, we were the kids, together with daphne. two ponytails, mini sling bag, sports bag, bermudas. lol. okay, so we arrived there, and everything, saw some people that we didn't really feel like see-ing. eww. daphne was like the first one to get influenced by the atmosphere and started became high. then, eventually, me and flea. but mama and huishan were just like acting cool la. act like they dunno us. oh and very fast, mama attracted guys liao. super qiang. mother liao, still so got mei li. then, it was the touring around, we did our own customised flashing badge ( which didn't didn't get to take in the end -_-!!! ) it was lunch arh, i think. that ignited our passion for food the nxt three days onwards. it was KFC, and our sub tribe leader davis came to sit with us, the big nanhua group of girls. then, subsequently, shasha ( its a guy. okay la he's called jonathan) and daniel and fedora came to sit down together too. they we were closest to these four SLs la, more of shasha and fedora i think. so in the first day, we just went around the places la. oh and got the aerospace hub thingy, supser super super fun man, it like having your own daytona machine in school and me and flea were like in the plane, when i realised you really have to be very tall to be able to steer a plane, if not you will just crash the minute you fly. but, i wasn't that hyped up yet.

second day, we all agreed to appear in black, seems like more than half the campers appeared in black as well. then we went around the schools, it was the life science thing first i think. then, they taught us how to differentiate between male and female fishes, seems that it mostly differs in the duct. so, because i was scared to take out the fish by hand, i went into different positions just to see the duct. i saw the male one, but not the female one. it just refuses to flash her butt at me... nvm. =D then we went ahead to the other places. then, it was the business school one which huishan wanted to see very much and even allowed herself to cancel her own interview, after the tour in the business school then she left. okay la, but i felt that it was really that useful in a way. oh by the time, ben, another SL, got to know us and almost couldn't stand our childish behaviour. haha and we just kept on asking if there were like food right our lunch, and stuff and just kept on teasing him, lol, but he's a real funny guy. i decorated his card, okay not considered decorate la, but yea with talks about sushi and ice-cream... lol. but mine wasn't the overdone one. it was daphne decorating shasha's card... babelicious girlfriend shasha ... OMG. and its a guy somemore... pink construction paper.. woah i almost fainted when i saw it. anyway, back to the second day, so after huishan left, i think we went back to the convention centre, they had some annoucements and lucky draws for the early birds and everything, and then we started the mass dance practice... okay i can only say daphne knows how great i danced. and i was high already.

the third day was for daphne as we visited the school of humanities, early childhood, psychology and mass comm. learnt how to attract kids' attention with puppets, draw pandas with a chinese brush, do social work while earning money, operate simply a studio camera .. etc. so so so much fun. after that we went for lunch, had breeks cafe food, did a mini catwalk, and for me after all that, i slept, on huishan's shoulders... after everything, we went to the convention centre for the big group more fun... haha. Vikings won the wildest group, haha and we're horny. but i supposed for everyone, the real fun was the zouk-out thingy, i mean its so obvious many ppl put in lots of time in dressing themselves up. then there was this girl, who wore like she was going to a retro party, balloon dress with big hairband and heels, lol. oh and black stockings, which ran. like oomg. hai, but she didn't look like the kind who dances hip hop. whatever. oh and after that siian joined us when we were going on a trip to the ngee ann library brought byy the SLs under our request, cause we had a whole one hour with no activity. i can only say the library was like super cool, too bad they didn't show soccer when i was there. yes, they have like a showing room just for these sports matches. super cool lor. and many more. and then when it was almost time for zouk-out, i saw many unfamiliar faces who gatecrashed like siian. i saw simin, and even one of the my last time tuition friend... all gatecrashers. it wasn't a frustrating statement but its a fact you see. then, after the drums we came out just because it was sooo boring inside. then, we did some games and eventually went back when the DJ came on. so yea, me and flea were like dancing and dancing, like siao like that. even daphne and enna also got high and joined in the crazy fenzy, and huishan was like the slowest to hype up. but she did, eventually, and it was totally cute.... did i mention siian??? he was one person who made my specs drop man, hiphop music dancing and getting high was okay, but the gay dancing with eugene... i went O.O lol, pity i cant prove it to the other ppl. haiz, he totally lost his image in front of us, but he say he doesn't mind losing his image infront of us. we are of no harm to his reputation anyway.... and then after everything, we all went home with a high note...

*sighs*

i want to really thank every SL we knew, because they made it so fun for us. thank you to shasha ( jonathan ), fedora, davis, daniel, benjamin, terrence, eugenie, junlong ( long-ge ), elias and to the other SLs whom i went "YATA!" ... and many more.... thanks you. :)

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 6:21 PM.

okay... the previous entry was sentimental purely due to a sentimental cause...
i normally don't process thoughts like that in my mind..

haiz. recently i just realized that in my 15+, going on to be my 16th year anniversary on earth, so many things happened. and i am also already worrying much. worried who i will like, worried who i will marry, worried if i get a job, worried if i will face the scary events in life, how scary the future beholds...

oh and i was watching Goong S: Prince Hours, it reminded me of something, something which struck me as it struck the female lead: being able to only admire one from the back is really very painful.

i shall not elaborate on the above sentence.

things aren't going as well as i thought, there were many things in which i thought which i would have completed the minute i finished my O's, but to my horror, have not. i wanted to do

swimming
running
ear-candling
cut hair
dye hair
learn jap
watch many many many dramas
catch up with all my different groups of my friends
lead a decadent lifestyle
and many more...

well, i wouldn't say i have achieved none, but it is of course in my belief, to the very least. for example, i haven't done the first six, i must say i am at least advancing on my dramas ( i am so into Galileo's Fukuyama... ) and i have only caught up much with only my study grp ppl. well, decadent lifestyle i wouldn't say because i have to be eating to eat well, have to be sleeping to sleep much.... and well, yeah, i just hope i will have progress the next time i blog again...

life really isn't perfect.....

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 5:46 AM.

for some reason, i teared up at the last part of the song Graduation when 933 played on earlier.
for some reason, my heart was wrenching.
for some reason, i'm scared...

On 12th Nov 2007, i finished what i came to do primarily in NanHua, but what truly made me was the people, not the exam. I came in with a resentful heart "Why am i here and not Swiss?", but at this day there is no regret left, i could have made great friends at Swiss, but God did not shortchange me and gave me NanHua. In Nanhua, i met some of the best people up till now in my life, and will never forget...

6th January 2004, i entered the unfamiliar school gate, in my bob hairstyle, overlengthed skirt and buttoned up white ironed shirt. I looked for the familiar faces, simin and huiyu. They brought me around the school, accompanied me to buy my first food in NanHua, fried mee hoon. ( and i am still in love with it now! ) Yet both of them were not in the same class as me, i was in 107. The class was new to me, different faces and people, but eventually some of them emerged out as important in my life, Daphne, Lynette, Miss Ong.... and also a turning point in my life, i joined Council.

2nd January 2005, i continued my days in 207, this year was better and more fun and most of us became closer and closer.

2nd January 2006, 310. With 27 guys and 10 girls only, i seriously wondered if i will survive there. But of course with Daphne around, my days were never boring. Also, including Elaine, Constance and June whom i became closer to. Thanks, my recess pals.... I was never really close with the guys tho, but they were like the pillar of the class, spreading the spirit, 310 Anacondas~~~

2nd January 2007, the 310 Anacondas evolved into the 410 Anacondas. More jokes, incidents and talks about my class.
I'm always sort of the quieter one in class, not much talk... At the end of the two years, i will say i have never regretted that i was in 410 together with eric, and never will.

My one and only CCA in my life was choir, and is choir.
Choir, brought me many tears and smiles, made me learn a lot of things and witness many events. I will forever remember that period of time where everyone stuck together practice, for SYF 2007. How much tears we shed, confessions we had, time we shared, and hearts that were linked. The encouragements, the concerns, that fighting spirit, that when we lost faith, that when we stood back up again, that moment just beofre the stage... and the tears after SYF, the regret that we still failed to make a legacy inspite of all the blood and sweat mixed. I may looked like it was all so easy, like i didnt put in as much effort as huishan and cheryl, but i love you guys just as well. I hope the present choir now realizes that and not just the EXCO members, it is never easy to build something, o don't let it crash just like that. My Choir, the singing people, the people who loves to sing.

Lastly, the MOST IMPORTANT GROUP..... COUNCIL!!!!!
I just cannot express how much i love my council... you guys were the people who made it all possible. All the numerous projects we did, planned, all the leadership camps we went, all the mornings gossiping..... It was the best time of my life. Council was just like a batch of friends, it was just so possible to talk to and mix with anyone in the council and of course i have made of my bestest friends in council.... i will always remember council, because it was something that made me truly happy in whatever i did. It could range from just staying back to do some posters, cleaning up the council room, be involved in serious events ( yet we could always still find fun in it! ) planning, briefing.... and of course the annual OC, they were so so so good memories. And like an unnforgettable quote by siian, "It's just one big group and one person." I can't believe when this year ends, i will not be able to take part in those anymore. :( i am going to so miss council, there is just so much that i want to say..... emotions i know not how to express.

Huishan~ always there in choir and council, you know how much i love you.... my laopo that i dont want to let go.... :)
Felice~ i cant believe how much we click, i wont miss you, cause i will hold onto you forever.... ;)
Daphne~ I Love You tooo!!! Thanks for the 4 years too!!! i really hope we will continue on, even after you become a nanny.... :D
Huiyu~ 7 years le, what a nice number. although i hope the number will grow larger but still our roads are different. hmmm, dont worry i will always be back with you to visit zls... and oh you could find some new guy as your chem partner in tuition now!!! haha~~~
Elaine~ really thanks for all the times, the pianist and SI, you taught me loads!!!!
June~ must always smile smile smile okay!!!
Kahswee~ hey twin, thanks for always bringing laughter and smiles to me, even though we are going to be separated soon, we still have our telepathy right? ;D
Yaozhong~ ahjussi, 10 years later i hope to see a colourful gynae.... ;)
Siian~ lol, you were always so serious... but its good that you are loosening up aleady... thanks for all the coaches in maths, in council, and general knowledge!!!
En-nick~ Thanks for being my parents ( who doesn't give allowances ), i really like your a lot!!! :D
John~ you were really a very nice friend, i dont consider you as a junior since you are like only 3 months younger. haha, buck up! you confirm can do a super much better job than the head in my batch....
Kuan Lian~ thanks for loving the seniors so much, i love you juniors just as much too!!! dont worry, i will always come back and see you one lar, not so half-hearted... if not you ask me come out lor :)
Sheryl~ tho i dont know you for long, but it was enough to see how funny and nice you are... you have my bestest blessings... oh and dun be elmo and anti-social....

thanks to many many many more who made who i am today, and i will continue to be strong to face whatever is ahead, no matter how reluctant i am, i must face the song. for the moment, before i head off to end my year in Korea, i shall dedicate my time all with you guys!!!!

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 6:22 AM.