Lion-Heart

i'm officially demented.
i am sitting in the computer room, looking like i haven't been out of my house for five years.
i just finished The Devil Wears Prada one plus hour ago.
i am aimlessly browsing through videos and doing nothing.
i last ate at an estimation of 13 hours ago.
i last studied at an estimation of ... eons ago.
it is now 4:30 am.
i haven't sleep for Lord knows how much hours.
and, i still don't feel like sleeping.

i think i am getting into the lunatic part, but just not one who is madly in her studies.

woah.

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 1:28 PM.

i just realised that i actually don't have the habit of replying tags.
i suppose its kind of a bad habit. but thanks to all those who tagged or/and gave me encouragement and stuff. yeah.

its kind of getting more and more depressing. really.
there's this part of me which is just super nonchalant about everything and is slacking.
there's also a part of me which tells me, 'at least study something.'

so i have kinda gotten a split personality i suppose.

and due to the exams, my health is on a declining slope, not that it was fantastic before, but.
its just something more than the eyebags and sleepiness. and its bothering me.

i won't be blogging till Os finish, probably by then i blog to tease at huishan who should be fretting what to wear to a prom three days later. and some other stuff i dunno.

i won't say i am mugging like a lunatic now, but i am trying to be one now.

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 6:16 AM.

well the last time i blogged was the day just before prelims, now is three days after prelims.
friday, after the talk, i went home to sleep.
sat, sleep and dramas.
sun (today), sleep, eat, take neoprints, play at arcade, now neopets, later drama.
so in conclusion: today was more exciting. bleahs.

hmmm i shall over skip the part about how i overate for today's breakfast. but i always do, so it not really much of a surprise. i was at the arcade with huiyu just now. when we passed by the neoprint machine, i suggested to take one, since after my confirmation was only a mere 5 bucks. but after the experience, we learnt that yi fen qian, yi fen huo. so true. partially was because we didn't undertsand Jap, partially, its the machine's fault. then, we went on to many more, and i realised that i am a complete failure at those sit-down-and-play kind of street fighter games. well, supposingly it was both our first time, but huiyu just went on and on beating me and the machine's player for SIX whole rounds. is that luck or what. i don't know. there was also this spot the diffrence game thing that we played, well i believe its the game which is most worth its value and is a very engaging game for ages of all. then, something i totally did not expect... while we were short of one more difference left, an unindetified hand reached over and pressed the last difference. i was like totally stunned for two seconds. scary. it was this guy i think i saw when we were playing the street fighter game, i sort of smiled at him awkwardly and we ( me, huiyu and the guy) continued on. many a times , he sort of like saved us from losing, a very pro person. and so we ( me, huiyu and the guy) juat carried on and on getting more and more desperate about the game, well, i dunno about the guy, cause i was back facing him, i supposed he was too. cause when we finally lost to the game due to the neligience of us not spotting the dog without a nose, his hand totally went 'splat' on his face, looking unbelievable. well, that was according to huiyu. i didn't see it. according to huiyu, the guy also looks cute, has a cute hair, but erm bad dressing sense, and totally unfitted bag. but all in all, he was kinda cool. so hey, thanks! ( if he ever sees this post..... bleahs) and the whole time i thought he was standing behind cause he wanted to play, but when we left, he left. weird. but all in all, it was fun, the being scammed neoprint incident, and the guy incident.

at least i had fun today, before i start to mug all over again tomorrow.
iwonder how often will i blog? oh, and huishan put her blog on private again, so i cannot see. *sobs*

that should be all... buck up sec fours! ( i wun say jia you, cause i'm fat enough)

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 3:21 AM.

today i was at Changi Airport at 7am.
that was when my dad realised that he had only 8 minutes left to get into the waiting hall,
thus we did not have the nice farewell breakfast together.
me and my sis then went to the hall where you can see planes take off
and i found a person who had been staying overnight and miraculously didn't get found.
we saw another interesting scene.
there was this mum who put a "lease" on her little daughter, around 4 years of age.
it was incredibly... CUTE.
too bad, i couldn't take a picture, thanks to my sis who have been yakking about saying how it is illegal to take pictures like that.
well i suppose in the very near future, there will be a person who will go on about legal practices and saying what is actually right or wrong, though i seriously doubt she is studying anyway.
then, the health part will come from my mum, how we should maintain a healthy lifestyle by the intake of nutrients and how much we should exercise.
me and my dad, well, we will be the rebels who normally does not listen to them.

i guess i am a mixture of the second child and youngest. (long story, don't even ask.)
so, i have the trait of being under constant pressure from the eldest child being so academically inclined from the second child, and the inability to make good decisions in my life from the youngest child part.
its all such a confusion.

i think me huishan and flea are the typical birds of the same feather flock together.
in the pathetic 16 years of life, we have not found a person whom we really like. though, i am seriously doubting about me on that part.
its quite ironic for us to be situated in a sea of lovebirds, lovesicks and lovelorns.
its ALL love.
the exam period must seem to have an effect on couples, suddenly its just more and more couples everywhere.
GOSH.

sometime ago, thomas said something that made me want to reconsider my career direction once again.
though it sounds quite harsh on me, it is a unreputable fact.
i might just seriously end up as a sad accountant or clerk or something common.
there just seems to have none, that i would actually grow to love.
or maybe one, but its kinda hard to achieve.
get a rich husband or that i wouldn't need to work.
but i figured out that once i get a rich husband i would still want to work.
and getting rich husband is the kind of life for cheryl, for huishan and constance.
imagine me strutting around in designer bags and shoes, hahahaha. hilarious.

i seriously considered wanting to be an air stewardess, but that would be back to where i started.
though it consists of all components of my dream job, flying around. and also there would be one major problem. i am far far away from reaching its height requirement. sighs.

oh, and tomorrow's prelims. haha. oh wow. sighs.

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 10:32 PM.

sometimes i don't know what i am doing.
prelims is like in 3 pathetic days and i bet i will be worse off than flea, who has been hibernating the whole week.
all i want to do is to have a happy lunch tomorrow with lai lai and the others. have a good chat, forget everything that is impending.
eric should have his ai xin vitimins c tablets delivered to our houses.
one week without it, and i'm like this, wasted a full day at home being sick.
WOW.
ever since i got the FIRST LOVE song by UTADA HIKARU from my darling, its has been playing non-stop on my computer.

mummy's going to finish her exams by sunday.
yet, daddy's leaving for shanghai for 3 weeks for work on sunday.
WOW.
i decided i shall go send daddy off, in the wee hours of the morning.
but that really depends on my discipline to wake up and get myself to the airport so early, i mean afterwards i will be taking the first train back from changi to chua chu kang. haha.
i can sleep on the train then.
but then, i will realise its only like less than 24 hours left to my first major paper, then i will start sighing and mull along the whole trip back.
so, in truth i won't sleep.
how ironic.

its 40 min to 8/9/07. and i am going to sleep, my mum's has been already at the computer room door twice, third time, i'm a goner.

so, yup, that the end of my grumbling for the day.

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 8:05 AM.

i feel weird.... i am typing this with my right hand only....
something is wrong with my left today, to people who actually know me....

my left hand is covered by my blanket, if my mum sees my hand, she'll start fussing all over. and to think i'm meeting my doctor tomorrow. what an irony...

huishan's not good. haven't been in touch with flea, she seems tired from the last time i talked to her on the phone. apart from the three hectic days, life's been back to he normal steady flow, mugging real hard, at least i believe so. but i feel i could have done better, best if i seem like a lunatic buried in books the whole time muttering weird science nouns...hair messy and the constant growling from the stomach. but i wouldn't achieve that, its virtually impossible, the moment i study hard or try to get something into my head more than fifteen minutes, my lazy genes take over. and i can't believe yesterday when i told myself i will study hard and even got the whole plan for the day out studying, i just had to get tummyache even before when the glass planes start sliding for the day.

writing notes is harder then i thought, its like intensive summary work. and hand writing practise.

life's dull. i wonder if its going to be in continuation for the next few years or is it just a coincidence. last year last month, was seriously a big shock and a scare, okay a BIG scare... this year i suppose the big shock came already, but it wasn't a scare really. just somewhat very shocking.

i came to realize my blog entries are always written in a few hours to or already past by a few minutes of a new day. which just means, my insomia is taking over. later i'm going to take three pills i think, one more isn't going to send me into a comatose. i've tried before, it just got me late for school the next day. i wonder if i feel like sleeping the whole day, how many do i take, maybe i should experiment how many hours i get to sleep on one pill. haha. i'm quite a sadist. but is considered a minor when placed beside reuben the devil. really feel like having lunch with him, i mean who knows when he be back in sing again, he and his glasglow. he really brings back memories. wonderful ones.

i wonder if the air-conditioner i am using releases CFC? those things about the ozone layer really gets me listening, unlike some weird topics i have to study. i shalt not name, in wary of unknown strangers who read my blog.

oh and recently,there's this imbecile who keeps prank calling me. hello, that person might have considered using different phones each time, but no that not-so-smart prankster uses the same number everytime, safetly stored in my caller id system. hahahaha. i swear if it wasn't because i have a super strong feeling its people from my primary school, that number would have already been under investigation by the police, and i can come up with reasons to sue that dumbo.

so many happenings in a few days, with the added pressure of prelims, its a miracle i could pass through it all alive.....

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 9:05 AM.

its un-ber-li-ber-ble! (unbelievable)
quoted by Kotoko in Itazura na Kiss Ep 6.

My Internet is working! Gosh i can't believe it. Haiz, whenever i come home and walk pass the computer room, my heart will just sink. its like taking chocolate away from flea. that serious. well if you actually know flea. the last three days was so packed with happenings so much i couldn't control and take my time to think about it. as it is, i am a very slow person.

on thursday, it was just any full-fledged boring school day, with the constant reminder of how close i am to dying in studies, a failure to the society. after that, i didn't stay on for the night study with the usual group. the plan was to acc flea to get her friend's present in JEC, then we'll head home and i'll sleep without pills this time, according to huishan and daph. well, supposingly it was a rather nice day to try and sleep in, with the torrential rain. but it ended up me watching ratatouille with flea and ks. all thanks to flea not being able to resist the temptation of the show. she went broke that day too. went home around seven plus eight, with a great show still fresh in mind.

on friday, it was supposed to be half day, but ended at twelve plus. what do you say. after the 1.6km walk that eric forced me to go, we came back and the upper sec was supposed to stone in class for an hour.we were notified that eric wanted to see the whole class at 10:30am. so quitting the quarrel over the scrabble word game i was playing with elaine and daph in the library, we ran up 5 storeys. only to find the only thing he wanted to do was to collect travel declaration forms. ¬.¬ oh and get mister (doctor) foo's specially ordered apples. its was quite sweet, both the motive and the apple. but we managed to take the lift down with eric. i won't say class party was fantastic, anyway its was just a mtd by council to settle the overcrowding prob in the hall. other than in the parade square for morning assembly, i can't think of anytime where the entire school got together. but in the end, me and flea sneaked into the hall to watch the performance. well, not entirely sneaked since the doors were open for ex-seniors, and we are, just without the ex. we went in and cught four segments of the performance. those wich got me high was the video by 3/8 and the beat box performance by jhan, elias and others. ( i can't believe i said i knew how to do silent beat-boxing in front of two masters!!!) the video that was done by 3/8 was terrific. the title is A WORLD WITHOUT TEACHERS adapted from Giordano, A World Without Strangers. haha. the lead was huiyun, my new choir chair and my new secretary was the director aka actor. haha and gwen was SOOOO cute. the part i like best is when they show what happend when there isn't disciplinary teachers, betty and the other girl were real good actors. acting like female gangsters. the hairdo were funny too. next, the beat box, its seriously got the whole school awed. they were so so so so so good. i can't believe and no words cant express. they sounded machines specially programmed for music.

just when i left my secondary sch and headed off to my primary school with a high note, i didn't expect my visit back to my primary school to be even better. the shock was zls. he spiked his hair! after somewhat 32 years of his life, finally! oh for ppl who dunno zls , he's like eric, but a chinese teacher. and WAS not vain. his students just seemed to multiply over the years, so much that he had to open up a classroom just to talk to his students in a peaceful and quiet environment. haha, that was when it sort of ended up to a whole bunch of ppl in a big circle playing games (me, huiyu, may, kaiting, victor, alan, alvin, kenneth, jingyu, zhenrui and gideon) shld be that. i forgot if valerie was in. den we started off with heart attack, it proved to live up to its name, as after to rounds, my adrenline was rushing and i got so high, due to the fact that the crads were so fast and when someone shouted "HEART ATTACK!", twenty over hands just piled up in an instant, regardless of the poor cards flying all over. it was the first time i played such a big scale heart attack game! after that we went on to play the winking style of murderer. but it was like hello, i couldn't wink, it just seems like i'm blinking. and when i was the murderer, the victims didn't even know i was killing them! so much for not being able to wink..... the game went on and there were times where almost evryone got killed the killer is still unknown. after a series of events, we then played murderer in another form called polar bear, in palm gardens. it was positively interesting. i even got picked polar bear 2 or 3 times, though i wonder why there were discrepencies on how the polar bear was being picked. two hard pats on the shoulder or a mini touch on the tip of your head. haha, but its doesn't matter. the game was so funny.. in the last few times we were playing, the 'spirits' actually got restless and started kicking football arnd us. haha. the whole thing ended when alvin went off to play LAN. but surprisingly, me huiyu and may met almost the whole lot again in lot one food court. and we sat down for more gossip. eventually the lot went for ratatouille, sth i didn't join simply because i watched it the day before. we took jingyu's football and talked in the library, or rather huiyu and may about their common topic, np. while i sat quietly besides them and finished 6-8 children books. amusing. XD. children books really don't teach you about the correct values. the lot came out from the movie and we went home. returing jingyu's ball of course.

the point is, people whom i never really interacted in the old days, i interacted so much yesterday. the nostalgic feeling overwhelmed me, forcing me to dig out feelings tucked in safely in the corners of my heart. it should be a good thing, it is. isn't it?

till today, i went for Charity Fiesta by NUS and NYAA together with flea and ruth. i was in grp 13. and my trainee was jin yin. she's 24. but when she wrote her name for me in my notebook, i dunno why, i felt so touched. she comes up to my shoulders only, wearing shoes of sizes that can only be found in kiddy palaces. her appearance is the kind people would avoid, just becuase she is so innocent, people wary, of the trouble they might bring. xuewei and me had a little talk with the long term volunteer in charge of bringing the trainees from jurong garden school. i learnt that their appearances and mentality weren't originally like that, its was due to chemical changes in the body resulting in the long term regret. most of them have a undiscovered sad story behind their backs. they lead such innocent yet lonely lives. if you don't doubt a 5 year old kid, then you shouldn't doubt them. their mentalities often stops at the age when they are diagnosed with the illness. some were resigned to the fate even when they were in the womb, it takes them years to understand bit by bit. yet, few understands them, making them very lonely. the chemicals in their body also causes them to be unable to express their feelings in a way we understand, and they end up as tantrums as we would call it. looking at the intelluctually disabled people of age far older than us being happily statisfied by just being able to bask under the sun, play ball games, overcome simplistic playground obstacles with their friends makes me feel old. i even wonder if they are actually the lucky batch who got their wish to stay as a child forever,when i am nearing the gates of adulthood, of troubles, of responsibility.

i felt like a lot has happened, really a lot...

What The Shoe Says~ roared at 5:19 AM.